Teacher Hits On Student
24 Feb Tuesday: Rather than talk myself about teens and dating. 21 Oct This Reddit dad has a sexually active year-old and I personally refuse to let my own daughter ever have sex. Ever. By forbidding your daughter from seeing her year-old friend, it seems to me that you possibly accomplished several things: which would presumably make it more difficult to coordinate the way you handle some of the issues that are liable to arise in connection with your daughter's upbringing.).
She has always been young for her age and had a tough time identifying with other girls and kids at her school we had issues of bullying- mostly to her being shy in which we switched her schools in 3rd grade.
She was always the sweet, shy one, and so paranoid of her acne, which she has had from a young age. Well, she has blossomed now into a gorgeous, tall bombshell I hate to say it but since she joined Performing Arts, and gotten lead roles, it has really boosted her self esteem. Anyhow, my daughter has finally found her "soul mate" friends she says that really understand her and has been texting them 2 in particular at all hours.
One is 14 and the other is 17, both girls. I am very close My 13 Year Old Daughter Is Hookup my daughter and started seeing something "more" going with her feelings wise for the 17 year old who played her opposite as the lead in the past play, where they also shared a kissing scene, multiple times. I asked her one night outright if she liked the 17 year old and she teared up and asked how I knew.
I told her I was her mama and that I just knew and that I would love her unconditionally. She said she still liked both guys and girls, but she definitely liked the 17 year old and she couldn't help her feelings. I hugged her and that is how she came out to me. Fast forward two weeks- we've told dad which was hard but he is supportive ish it's still new.
But i have seen too many teens to early 20s boys especially committing suicide over breakups. I'm going to tell you flat-out: She also has a nine yo sister and she kissed a boy too.
We My 13 Year Old Daughter Is Hookup to tell her that there is absolutely no way she can have sleepovers with the 13 My 13 Year Old Daughter Is Hookup old and 17 old which they were planning. We've never fought with her in our life she has always been so easy until now! She told me that her and the 17yo were "seeing each other" and that the 17yo has an "open" relationship with a boy as well, which means they can see other people. Well, I met with the 17yo, who insisted they were friends explained they were not allowed to see each other anymore, and thank goodness the 17yo obliged.
I don't think she realized the level of the relationship my daughter was thinking. We also told her we were pulling her out of the class she is teaching for Performing Arts that our daughter just started. My husband and I explained the situation to my daughter and she is devastated and angry. Well, that's an understatement. She is embarrassed for having more feelings for someone than they had for her and someone much olderhaving her other friends find out about this crush, and furious at us-- especially since she confided in us her feelings.
We always told her she could tell us anything, and now she says she trusted us and we took away her best friend in life. We tried to explain that it was an age thing, that if the 17yo was a boy, we would have done the SAME thing. We explained we did it to protect her, we explained how 13yo and 17yo have different emotions and all the rest, but of course she didn't want to hear it.
Anyhow, my heart as a mom hurts so much right now. She just lays in her room in the dark not talking to anyone. We have always been so close. I know it is not my job to be her friend right now, but to be her mom, but any advice would be appreciated. The way these events unfolded is an unfortunate one, and I feel rather sorry for your current predicament as a family. By forbidding your daughter from seeing her year-old friend, it seems to me that you possibly accomplished several things:.
You showed your daughter that you fundamentally don't trust her judgment about herself and her own feelings. That same action also meant destroying your daughter's involvement in a Performing Arts class that she greatly enjoyed, and which had contributed substantially to her improved self-confidence. You crystallized an asymmetrical definition of your daughter's relationship with her friend that might or might not have evolved into one on more equal terms.
You also defined it as a fundamentally sexual relationship when its most important feature may have been the sense of friendship and guidance your daughter was getting from a somewhat more worldly-wise teenager who, from your description, was not actually intent on maliciously exploiting your daughter's inexperience.
Because you have, until now, evidently had an open and affectionate relationship with your daughter, this sudden drastic interference on your part may have considerably shaken your daughter's confidence in your and your husband's perception of what is good for her, at least for the time being. You closed off an avenue for your daughter's exploration of her identity that was based on her own sense of her evolving personality rather than on parentally-imposed norms.
I think that by the age of 13, most children are ready to start gradually drawing away from their parents and defining who they want to be for themselves, with the benefit of supportive guidance from the parents rather than having the law laid down for them; but I know that this can be a tricky balance to strike.
Well, it is of course quite possible that I've missed the mark in some of my analysis. There are a couple of points I would have liked a little clarification on: Regardless, it does seem clear that there was a considerable failure or several failures of communication along the way.
It seems important for this web page communication channels between all the members of your family to be reestablished as soon as is reasonably possible in order to restore a more normal atmosphere, and of course to improve the frayed relations between your daughter and yourselves.
This may possibly involve giving her a sincere apology for breaching her trust or overreaching in your response to her relationship with her friend. Showing that you can be fallible in your parental judgment when your daughter is 13 [and is probably savvier than one might suspect] would be the honest thing to do, and I'm sure she would appreciate the gesture of your openness if you can convince her that your action is genuine.
I also invite you to consider your own motivations for acting the way you did more deeply. Were they mostly about you and your prejudices, or were they truly mostly focused on your daughter's well-being?
Mom Says She No Longer Wants To Raise Her 13-Year-Old Daughter
You do sound like a deeply caring parent, but it may be the case that you and your husband would benefit from at least a degree of professional help to come to terms with the possibility that your daughter will turn out to be gay, as well as getting some guidance regarding the best way to deal with some of the issues connected with that possibility. One thing you haven't discussed very much in your account is your daughter's relationship with her other friend the one who is aged 13 or I'm not sure what your attitude is towards that friendship, but unless some obvious red flags are apparent there, I'd be inclined to avoid doing anything that might give your daughter who is currently very sensitive about the interference of her parents in her relationships with her peers any additional cause for resentment.
1. Ask questions.
Apart from anything else, for as long as she is upset about your interference in her relationships with her friends, her ability to concentrate on her schoolwork is likely to be at least somewhat impaired. One of the other people who responded to your question raised the issue of the age of consent. Oh, the pain of first heartbreak! Bless you for being there for your daughter through all of this. The maturity level My 13 Year Old Daughter Is Hookup 13 and 17 is so vast and I'm very glad the other girl agreed to back off rather than messing with your daughter's emotions; she sounds like she'll be a good friend down the road, once the dust has a chance to read more. If you don't listen to Dan Savage's podcast, I'd recommend it, for your own sanity if nothing else.
So give yourself a bit of a hug. Someone who can help her find her way through this morass? We've all been there but it's SOOOO hard for a teen to see that, especially when it's a parent saying it. I'd also recommend trying to spend some 'normal' time with her, if you can. Go do one-on-one normal things and let her process this at her own speed. Let her know you're there to talk if she needs you, but that you're not going to insist she open her own thought processes to you if she's not ready to do so.
I am not really understanding why you had to tear them apart. As far as I can read from your text they never did anything "bad" to each other, so one could expect the 17 year old to not suddenly do My 13 Year Old Daughter Is Hookup to your daughter just because she is older.
Reader Question: When Should You Allow Your Teenager to Date? | To Love, Honor and Vacuum
I totally go here that you need to assist My 13 Year Old Daughter Is Hookup daughter here, the difference between 13 and 17 is too extreme to just let her experience that on her own.
But I wonder why you did not just clear the thing up with My 13 Year Old Daughter Is Hookup older girl and tell her to keep the relationship on a friendship level and to understand that she can't do certain things with such a young girl, she probably would have understood. Eventually that love would have died out naturally giving your daughter the chance to learn something about relationships from someone a bit older.
That would have given your daughter some insight, while now she is just angry and probably will take a very long time to understand what you did.
Instead of cutting the line between them if you even can do thatyou could alternatively now, after some time, tell your daughter that you did that to get her to cool down a bit and allow her to see her friend again, but on a friendship level and nothing more. That might fix some of the trust she obviously lost. Wow, you really screwed up, sorry to say, it pains me to read what you did, i had to stop a few times, hopefully I didn't miss anything important, I believe I read it all.
The first will mess up her entire life worse, as it will make her think less of academics and school in general, since she now has no faith that anything she works go here on won't be ripped away from her in the future. The second will just make her rebel against you more, and only help to weaken your relationship with her.
While I understand not allowing sleepovers because of potential liability, all girls experiment during sleepovers, regardless of their "preferences". However, not allowing her sleepovers because you don't want her to experience any sexual contact, well see how well that train goes You really need to let her figure things out on her own, and step in if there becomes a problem.
We here committed to working through this challenge together, but it's not ideal. My wife did not grow up with this same opportunity to explore her feelings openly and honestly. Malachi 1, 1 6 Regardless, it does seem clear that there was a considerable failure or several failures of communication along the way.
Really it seems like you 'pretended' to accept her, but then in fear, destroyed her life, with no good reason. Good luck, I know I am not offering much advice, but hopefully you can understand the effect your actions will have a bit better. Before reconnecting with your daughter, I think it's important for you and your husband to reflect upon your own views of sexuality.
I wonder if your reaction to your daughter would REALLY have been the same if she'd confessed to dating a 17yo boy in an open relationship? I grew up in a conservative but progressive family and church, so I had a traditional view of sex. My wife and I played by the rules and were virgins when we got married. Recently, she came out to me as Bi. This explains some of the challenges we've had connecting physically throughout our marriage.
Your daughter is fortunate to be living in a time that she is simply embarrassed, not actively harassed, for her orientation. My wife did not grow up with this same opportunity to explore her feelings openly and honestly. We are committed to working through this challenge together, but it's not ideal.
We would be in a much better place if she'd been able to admit her orientation to herself when she was a teen.
I would humbly suggest that you reconsider your reaction. The worst thing you can do right now is leave your daughter feeling ashamed.
That will lead to deeper difficulties in any serious relationships she pursues in the future, and it could permanently damage your relationship http://1dating.info/lave/what-takes-away-redness-on-face.php her, too.
His reaction to this possibility may give you click here chance to discuss how to be more compassionate to My 13 Year Old Daughter Is Hookup daughter. Tell him some random dude on the internet is going through this right now! Admit that you should have discussed things together, as a family, with her 17yo girlfriend; not go around her and confront the girlfriend directly.
How old should your daughter be before she dates? Before she has sex with a partner? This may be a time for you and your husband to come clean and discuss the decisions you both made when you were your daughter's age.
Intimacy is a natural result of years of friendship and physical attraction. It's what you and your husband experienced as you drew closer together and decided to commit to each other for life.
I'm sure you want the same thing for your daughter. Good luck as you navigate these waters! Parenting is tough, but creating healthy intimacy is even tougher.