Military Girlfriend Life (Navy)
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It's already tough being a girlfriend but if you are a navy girlfriend I can imagine that it would be even tougher. Best wishes to all the military girlfriends out there. Is it normal to get into constant stupid fights with my sailor? He just started ATT and we're both trying to get used to the separation. I admit that I'm extremely needy sometimes and make a big deal when he can't be there for our planned Skype dates or planned phone calls at the end of the day.
I hate myself because of it sometimes because I know it's not his fault, he's a busy man with so much more to do now, yet I still get mad. I know I need to learn how to be more tolerant and more patient because this is what the military lifestyle is going to hit me in the face with.
I love my sailor. Only God truly knows how much.
I'm currently in college and we've already decided on marrying once I graduate. I'm so scared of losing him because of these nit picky fights that we keep having lately. I don't know if it's something that always happens with girlfriends new to the military life. I know he loves me just as much as I love him but I feel like I'm constantly getting on his nerves about Skype dates and constantly keeping me in the loop.
Hi Soniaeli, Thank you for writing in. Do you need to be afraid? No, you are doing okay. This is not only normal for Mil couples, it's normal for all couples! You've got to figure out how to re-arrange your lives to accommodate one another - that's hard!
We all feel like we should be doing better or be stronger but no one is that strong or capable of handling this level of stress and emotional strain better. Again http://1dating.info/fuju/dress-up-games-dating-friends-party.php words from you and so helpful. My boyfriend and I have only been together for a little while but once he leaves for BUDs it will be about 9 months that we will have been together. He wants me to fully see what life is like for him pre-deployment and durring deployment
Then the Military Lifestyle adds that extra stressor, but that's okay because this is very common. When I was first starting out my relationship with my Sailor, it dawned on me that we learn how to do everything from math to driving in our society, but no one ever teaches us how to be in a relationship, how to share your world with someone else without here insane!
So I decided I was going to educate myself.
Dating in the Navy
Even though my Sailor and I weren't in dire straights, I wanted to learn how more info better communicate and cooperate and coordinate without getting into fights all the time, so I bought a book on relationships.
It led to a major turn-around in our relationship. I don't even think he read it, but I was able to explain things that I learned and we both put them into practice.
Plus, also, just my doing things differently led to more successful occurrences of working together. Check out the post 5 Tips to Strengthen Your Relationship at this address: This is all normal and you are strong and will get through it. You are doing a great job. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 Yrs, just seeing each other 4 days every weekend. He deployed for 9 link in October and has kept in touch via emails every other day, not many calls.
He was promoted last year and his new role is full on. We recently had a fantastic 2 week break abroad, however I was surprised at how low his sex drive was, totally expected him to be tired for the first few days but by day 5 he still wasn't interested.
Actually we probably had sex twice in two weeks. Continue reading did kick off on both times, out of frustration, and stupidly accused him of either not being sexually attracted to me, or of becoming emotionally involved with someone on board He's not the type to physically cheat, however this is our first deployment together and his last girlfriend left him on his last tour, he was a bit vague about the reasons, I've heard it's not uncommon for sailors to have onboard relationships during a long deployment, and it's highly likely I would knowI even accused him of being gay.
I know, I know, probably shouldn't have said that. We did learn more here the rest of the holiday having lots of fun, but I felt he made sure our days were full leaving no time for intimacy, we had a Best Ways To Ask A Girl Be Your hours in the room on the last morning, but we didn't have sex.
Since he rejoined his ship, he has been distant, emails have virtually stopped, in fact when I asked if he was ok, he was extremely curt, if not rude in his reply, and even though I asked him to try and call he hasn't. Of course the negative thoughts are flooding in, is he in love with someone or is he using the silent treatment in a bid to get me to dump him like his ex did, thus freeing him up to pursue a sexual relationship guilt free?
This last two weeks have been hell for me, overthinking what scenarios may have caused this distancing, unfriendly email, zero sex drive and so on. At first I just wanted to stop communicating, and accept it was over between us just to stop feeling this gut wrenching pain in my tummy. I wanted to get an email from him saying it was over, because I would be given the go ahead What To Expect When Dating A Navy Seal move on without him in my life.
I felt I had stepped in concrete and was unable to move. But I kept remembering how his ex packed up and left their house without even telling him it was over, he was devastated as he couldn't get hold What To Expect When Dating A Navy Seal her, worried sick why she had disappeared without word After endless searching online I came across your site and read every single word that has been written on here.
So, I decided to continue sending care boxes, and communicate only via snail mail that way I won't be staring at the computer waiting for a reply. I've personalised a photo album and filled it with photographs of our holiday and sent him a box of goodies for his birthday he forgot mine.
My letters are short but frequent, filling him in on events at home and reassuring him that I miss and love him, making a note that it won't be long before he's home.
I'm assuming this shift in his communication and his distancing me could be because he was aware that we had issues regarding intimacy What To Expect When Dating A Navy Seal even he couldn't account for in my opinion it may be he was still in military mode, worrying internally about problems on his ship and unable to detach himself from the stress, I guess 2 weeks isn't enough time to relax completely, always having the thought that you need to get back and crack onI've convinced myself that he is in love, but not with another person but with his job and his relationship is not with me at the moment but with the navy.
It hurts that he's alongside at the moment and not making a quick call, but finding the time to have a drink with his shipmates.
What are your thoughts on events taking place and the things I have written? Are there any other navy girlfriends experiencing similar problems? All advice gratefully received. Dear Anonymous, My heart goes out to you because I can imagine how difficult this is. I think your responses to everything have been normal and natural. The psychological processes for gearing up for deployment or transitioning after deployment are difficult and like a rollercoaster mentally and physically.
In that two week period you were visiting, he underwent both transitions in a short period of time. You were also going through similar transitions, not to mention the transition of being in another country. He may also be extra sensitive after he already had one girlfriend leave him during a deployment. That is a very difficult experience for a Sailor to go through. I think many people would have reacted the same way you did, but your reaction may have also caused damage.
One of the things that can hurt a man the most is questioning his sexuality, whether that be his ability to perform or his orientation. That may have been very difficult for him and possibly hurt his feelings or made him feel vulnerable and rejected or just like a failure.
Being A Seals Girlfriend.
If he feels vulnerable then you revealing your vulnerabilities may give him the confidence to start communicating again. It can be hard this web page them to deal with really difficult emotions while on the ship sometimes they just go silent. I wish you all the best of luck and I hope this response is helpful. You will both be in my prayers.
Thanks Stephanie for your response. His response was written not in the manner of his previous emails, but almost robotic as if emailing a work colleague, I didn't really understand the military wording and formality of his message.
He mentioned that there was a distinct possibility that despite assurances of his post deployment leave being at home he had heard the contrary and he didn't know what he wanted. He felt it better to have an amicable separation as his heart wasn't in it. He did write that he does care about me but feels with so much uncertainty the relationship is going nowhere.
I haven't replied or contacted him as I don't want to say the wrong thing plus I'm so angry that I've been dismissed from "the headmasters office" in such a rude uncaring way, What To Expect When Dating A Navy Seal phone call to explain the situation would have been more respectful considering the hours I've spent making his deployment comfortable.
I've never resorted to silence and always replied to his emails within an hour. But I just can't deal with this person who is pretending What To Expect When Dating A Navy Seal be my boyfriend. I was thinking of leaving it for a few weeks to give him space and to give myself time to calm down after which I thought I should send him a letter to tell him while I understand his decision I would still continue to support him through his deployment as a friend.
What are your thoughts? Hi Anonymous, Well, that's weird. I've never heard of a Sailor writing a letter like that with the jargony military language. As much as an outsider can more info things, it makes me think that he is trying to avoid his own emotions.
Shutting down their emotions is a part of the psychological process on their end but then sometimes people do that to deal with a relationship ending so maybe he's doing it double-time. You have every right to feel hurt and angry and you should feel those things, but you should also know that it is very difficult to make phone calls on the boat for practical reasons, but then it's also hard for military people when they are trying to stay cut off from their emotions which seems to be the case for him.
While I think it's very kind-hearted to offer him your continuing friendship and support during deployment, I think it's also important that you follow your instincts to take some time and get some space.
I'm not saying to prolong responding to him about this, but rather to respond and then make as clean a break as you can.
Offer read article be there if he really needs you but after this you should no longer be offering the level of support that you were as in regular contact, care packages, etc. It's unfortunate that this happened, and you deserve to mourn the relationship and feel hurt and angry, and you need that distance to do it.
You should also feel a little proud that you were strong enough to be there for him even when he wasn't there for you.
That's my biggest tip based on my own personal experience. Anonymous January 22, at 5: The massive weighted expectation on me to be everything while he is gone. I was thinking of leaving it for a few weeks to give him space and to give myself time to calm down after which I thought I should send him a letter to tell him while I understand his decision I would still continue to support him through his deployment as a friend.
You were willing to go through the struggle and stick this thing out. Yes you put a lot of time and effort into it, but don't feel like that was a waste. Whether you know it or not, this will become an experience in your life that will teach you many things about yourself and how you approach relationships.
Also be grateful for the time that you now have. You are not obligated to continue to endure the experience of waiting for him. You can let go and return to living now. It might take a little time to get over it and to realize you aren't waiting anymore because you were expecting to be waiting for some time and What To Expect When Dating A Navy Seal all okay.
Just remember to be kind to yourself as you go through this and to remember that what you endured and how you responded to the situation shows how here and big-hearted you really are. You are a good person and deserve to be treated well, with the same level of strength and support that you are willing to offer. Wishing you all the best. Again wise words from you and so helpful.
I'm not really hurt, just disappointed. There's no point in replying to his email, he's said he wants out, it's his choice, so I'm done, he doesn't deserve a minute more of my time, and responding to his "Dear John" email would be exactly what he's expecting.
He can be the one scratching his head, checking his emails and wondering why ive not reacted or begged for him to reconsider.