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25 Jul “Yet for many couples, the periods of unhappiness grow longer, communication becomes weaker and disagreements and conflict lead to anger, resentment and apathy. It leads to partners checking out.” Below, Borrello and other marriage therapists share the most common reasons men check out of their. 21 May For most people, marriage is an enriching and fulfilling experience. Yet we all know couples that are deeply dissatisfied but stay together anyway. Certainly there are many reasons why these unhappy people don't simply cut their losses, end the relationship, and move on with their lives. But psychologists. 8 Feb Having a child puts a strain on relationships, but staying in an unhappy marriage is the best thing you can do for its long-term success, according to a study. Researchers found the majority of couples who are unhappy when their first child is born feel fulfilled a decade later. Seven in ten couples stay.

Not infrequently, patients come to my office telling me in detail everything wrong with their marriages. These complaints are not unusual, but they are usually heart-felt. They include a whole range of misbehaviors on the part of their spouses. Sometimes there is only one serious transgression, such as a prolonged infidelity or drug use, including alcoholism. Sometimes the list can be surprisingly long.

Here are some of the things they have complained about to me, in no particular order:. By the time I am presented with such a list, usually the patients have concluded that their marriages are not worth saving. But they are ambivalent. They repeatedly run through the reasons they have for leaving, as if they have to remind themselves of how serious they are.

But they would like not to break up their marriages. They would like to hope that things are not so bad and that their married life is salvageable. I have learned not to take a stand on such matters.

I didn't care how old my children were or how much money was in the bank or about a damn house. He held on to his money at the expense of being tied to a woman he disliked. There are other cases in which couples are truly dissatisfied with their relationship and yet remain committed to it. Submitted by Brett on December 18, - 3:

First of all, because the patient is not likely to pay attention to me when I make one suggestion or another. The matter is too important to resolve by taking the advice of a therapist—or of friends.

And sometimes, even after the reasons listed above, there still may not be a good explanation for why a man stays in an unhappy relationship. Notify me when new comments are posted. I've walked click called cabs for my children and I whenever we needed to go places because he was using the car to work his supplement job.

The second reason is that I cannot really know what is best. There are aspects of every marriage that go unremarked upon, but that are important. Still, sooner or later, I ask why, if things are so awful, the patient does not leave his, or her, spouse. This list is smaller:. But these factors also affect those individuals who do, nevertheless, proceed to a divorce. Since these men and women are not deterred, it is reasonable to think that those who do decide to remain in a bad marriage may click here other hidden reasons.

Still, since the reasons given above are what the patient mentions to account for putting off a decision to leave, they must be considered. I do not agree. Sometimes growing up with parents that hate each other is worse. I think most therapists dealing with these issues do not think of divorce as inevitably devastating. It is worse for some children than others.

Besides, when divorce is traumaticit can often be seen, looking more closely, that that reaction was in response to the circumstances that led to the divorce and not to the divorce itself.

Constant Why Do Unhappily Married Men Stay Married between parents is unnerving to children. I have had a number of adult patients who told me they thought their parents should have been divorced, and that growing up they had wished for them to live apart. And the divorce itself costs money. There is no question but that the lack of money colors aspects of divorce as it may have affected the marriage. But I see couples in dire circumstances who manage to leave their marriage anyway.

It seems that when there is no alternative, a way can be found. Some of the men and women who do give financial reasons for not divorcing are actually well-off, even rich, sometimes. It is true that a divorce is likely to leave either the husband or wife estranged from their mutual source. Often that separation from them is not what the friends would have wished. The divorced men and women pull back because of embarrassment or a sense of no longer being of interest.

It is one aspect of the self-doubt that comes in the wake of a failed marriage. What go here have been a long relationship with in-laws is usually sundered and represents a real loss to the person who is leaving the marriage. In some marriages, of course, that loss represents a blessing. But definitely not in others.

In-laws sometimes substitute for missing parents.

17 Signs You're In an Unhappy — Or Loveless — Marriage

But that loss need not happen. I have seen divorced men and women maintaining close relations with a former mother-in-law, or other family members, for years following the divorce.

Why Do Unhappily Married Men Stay Married

If I were asked to write down the more serious reasons—the real reasons-- why someone may hesitate to end a marriage, they would include some of those mentioned above, but usually only as they reflect greater concerns:.

Sometimes an unhappy marriage is salvageable and sometimes it is not. Sometimes broken marriages come together again. I Why Do Unhappily Married Men Stay Married of a number of couples who married each other twice, and one couple who tried a third time. When a relationship is broken apart finally, which happens often in our society, the husband and wife continue on in their own lives.

How happy each will be depends on the emotional resources each person has. The situation is not much different from that of widows and widowers.

How well they do depends on how willing they are to do new things and meet new people. They have to be prepared to change in some ways. Whether that is possible will depend on their willingness to change. Neuman's blog at fredricneumanmd. It took me over 30 years to leave a bad marriage.

I had many years of therapy going over the abusive things that occurred I'm that marriage. There had been suggestions from therapists to leave throughout the years. Those suggestions were filed away and I stayed. It wasn't until I felt strong enough, on my own, that I decided to leave.

It was difficult as I knew it would be to leave, as is always the case with leaving a malicious narcissist. My children read article brought into anything and everything as his narcissistic rage didn't consider their vulnerabilities and fragile emotions. Ten year later, he still drags the adult children into things. It has taken much time and patience for them to understand why I left, even though they had seen how I was treated.

I had to leave for my own physical and mental health. I see my older daughter in a good relationship. I wish I had the courage to leave that marriage earlier.

Life is so much more peaceful and happy since I removed a toxic person from my day read more day life. Just curious why good old fashion religious shame wasn't mentioned as a need to stay married at all cost?

So much pain, misery, sacrifice, and "needing to please the neighbors". What a hellish cancer. Like you, I've been stuck for many years.

Understanding Why Men Stay in Unhappy Relationships | YourTango

How did you finally do it? How did you make that decision to leave? I don't know why, but I just can't pull the plug. All the reasons that are mentioned in the article apply to me except the in-law reason ; he could be describing me. Sometimes I just think I'm a coward, but I've taken reasonable chances in other areas of my life, just not in this.

It's a classic case of Tomorrow's another go here or maybe Tomorrow will be better. It's going to be 28 years for me. My kids are grown up and I am tired. Compounding this fact is a mother in law who has been living with us for a couple of decades.

It's sad to stay in bad situation.

It creates low selfesteem and bad opinion of oir own desition. So we leave it to fate to sort it out for us. I also regret every night my desition to get married. I am trapped in bcoz my spouse treatened me to take my child aeay if I left. So I gotta hold my desire to leave till my kid is grown and than I would have chance perhaps. For me I tried to take steps but I was warned and I came back.

What if the treat was empty I ask myself every night when I cant sleep.

Why Do Unhappily Married Men Stay Married

My desition has hunted me for years,ruined my self esteem,my energy levels are low and no drive to do here. Like I gave it all up. I read your story and boy, sounds like mine. I have a n 18 year old and am married to an abusive malicious narcissist myself. What made you finally do it and file for divorce? I need a big dose of courage.


I would love to have that too one day. Any advice is welcome. Oh ye of little faith. Why worry about your life? It won't add a single hour to it.