The psychology behind who says ‘I love you’ first in a relationship
19 Dec Having someone say profess their love for you can be, well, jarring. Here's what to say when you're simply not ready to say "I love you" back. 11 Feb But if you don't mean it, don't say it just because you feel guilty! If you're in a relationship, and you're not sure whether or not you're ready to say “I love you,” I understand. I've been there! But if you're that stressed about it, you might not be ready it. To know for sure, check out these 10 signs you're not ready. 30 Jan Saying "I love you" is a Hallmark response. To me, these potent three words have a deep meaning that reaches into the vulnerable side of 'self' that I'm not quite comfortable to visit. It's where you unveil who you are . When you're ready to say these words here are some rules to guide you: Rule #1 Don't.
What to say after "I love you" when you're not ready to say it back but can see the relationship getting there? Do men usually wait to say it when they think they're partner is ready to say it back?
Is it inevitable that someone's feeling will be hurt if both people aren't on the same page? Not Ready To Say I Love You have heard that click at this page honest about how you feel is the best.
However, I have seen threads on reddit and been in real life situations where honesty crushed the other person or at least hurt their feelings. So what's the best way to approach it? For context, I mean saying something like, "I really like you and I see us going there, I am just not there yet. I know reddit has some spelling enthusiasts. Noticed them as I hit submit - too late to fix. It isn't inevitable that someone will be hurt.
I told my boyfriend when I felt it, it didn't matter if he wasn't there yet but I just wanted to get it out and let him know. It's too soon for me to say if I love you but I'm falling. It's been a year and a half so here is to the future. But from the start we agreed to talk about everything good and bad, to make an effort to maintain communication and not bottle anything up. I knew he cared for read more and liked me so I had no need to be concerned if he didn't say it back.
I think how well this "I love you" malarkey goes largely depends on the expectation of the initiator. Being honest is best in my opinion. If it blows up in your face, chances are it wasn't meant to be if you can't move past it. Did you feel like his commitment to the relationship was equal even if his feelings for you were not as strong as yours?
I understand and agree actions speak louder than words, at least for me. It isn't inevitable that someone will be hurt. I mean if I care about you enough to go exclusive with someone what's the harm in saying the L word?
Due to the sort of person he is, the fact that I was in his bed was a huge sign. It here him that initiated our relationship. He just wasn't certain he was at the love stage quite yet.
And I don't think his feelings were necessarily less strong. He had never been in a relationship before and I think he was still identifying some of what he was feeling and what it might mean for the future and all that sort of thing. Considering how he told me that he loved me the next day, I think he mostly needed time to get everything straight in his head and think it over.
Even if it took longer than that I believe I would have been okay. I truly had fallen for him, and I know not everyone develops feelings at the same rate, or are wary about commitment or professing their love, or any number of things.
If I had this as a response, I would wish to follow it up with an iPhone light saber battle Telling someone something like that shouldn't be based around expectations. It's about feeling something and expressing it. Especially this "I love you"-shit becomes a meaningless go-to phrase almost everywhere almost all the time, and this entire pseudo-political worrying about who says it when, and so on, really bothers me about people.
It should mean something. Otherwise, why give a fuck if your partner doesn't adopt to a new greeting phrase as fast as you?
I agree with what you say in theory, but in practice people do get let down. There's definitely a good and a bad way to handle it. I can't figure out what's wrong with the quote Not Ready To Say I Love You wrote above, but some people click to see more like its a harsh response.
Well, to me the appropriate response to "I love you" is a kiss. It's definitely not the urge to get things mathematically even or apologize if you can't. Because if this is what it's about, it's meaningless. I can appreciate that this is not a popular standpoint, but I see that as the result of a dogma more than common sense. Maybe I'm wrong, and just weird, though. In my experience which is not hugely vastsome kind of verbal response was expected after the kiss unless awkward, direct, and too long in duration eye contact is what he was going for.
My philosophy is that you should never do anything regarding social interaction because Not Ready To Say I Love You expect something in return that is not agreed on. If you wanna do something nice, fine, but don't do it just because you want me to do something nice for you. I wouldn't invite you over to dinner because I want you to cook me dinner. I'd invite you over cause I love to cook, and sharing what you love is fun.
I wouldn't tell you that I love you because I'd want you to return the phrase, I'd tell you cause I want you to know what you mean to me. But I guess See more just repeating myself. To come back to your original query, in the event of such a reaction I would ask her if she wouldn't appreciate me expressing my feelings more when its genuine, instead of socially expected.
I'd tell her honestly what what she just said means to me, and if she had doubts my feelings for her, I'd inquire about the source of these doubts, and clear up misunderstandings if I can. I've never really gotten to tell anyone I loved her Not Ready To Say I Love You that context, though, I guess I'm not a good role model for these things.
I'm realizing more and more with reading the responses that it's all about how strong the communication and relationship are. Some people say it for different reasons and have different motives for doings so. I think in one situation, I believed he loved me, but he used it to solidify our relationship rather than as a verbal expression of the solidity of our relationship. I think of it differently.
11 Things To Say When You Can't Say "I Love You" Back | YourTango
To me it's along the lines of saying: I never looked at it that way; it sounds a little harsh. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don' think it's meant harshly? It's more like, "this is where I'm at and what I'm looking for, are you with me" type of thing? I don't think it's really supposed to be confrontational, but everyone knows that first "I love you" is pretty loaded.
Become a Redditor and subscribe to one of thousands of communities. However, I have seen threads on reddit and been in real life situations where honesty crushed the other person or at least hurt their feelings. I have heard that being honest about how you feel is the best.
It definitely means more as time goes on, but I wouldn't have described it as loaded before posting this thread. I see that I take the first I love you a lot more seriously than some of the posters here though.
I honestly don't know. The only time I've said "I love you" in a relationship was with a girl who I was best friends with for two years before we got together. So it was pretty clear that we both loved each other. Well at the time it did, but I broke up with her a http://1dating.info/fub/do-not-hook-up-kelly-clarkson-lyrics.php months ago.
So not all good things last forever. You bring up a good point. Although, I don't know I would feel comfortable saying it off of promise alone. If pressed, respond by just being honest: I like that response, but I find some people get hurt by such a mild for lack of a better word response. I read a similar post a while ago and the phrase that I found acceptable was "That really means a lot to me".
Song For When You Want To Say "I Love You" But You Can't
I have two methods. I either just freak out and say it back, then internalize a whole bunch of worries and self-doubts about how I'm lying to her, or I'll awkwardly thank her and give her a high-five. I suggest neither of these. I definitely would not want to lie or be lied to. I try to avoid the thank you as well. Both of those would make me self conscious too. I can't say I have tried the high five though. I've never understood the big deal about this.
If you love the person, say so. If they don't love you then whatever, eventually the relationship will fall apart. I don't see the big deal either though I have been on the receiving end of this scenario meaning I haven't said it first only. Unless someone says something mean or inconsiderate, I think it's okay not to be there at the exact same time because its highly unlikely it will happen that way.
Despite this, people do get their feelings hurt and it is like there is a right and wrong way to handle it.
Not Ready To Say I Love You I was told it was harsh from the guy and from friends of both genders and was told I ruined the moment and ultimately hurt the relationship for saying something like I wrote in the quote above. I didn't see anything wrong with it other than he wanted more from me in that moment, but Link do want to make sure I am not being insensitive.
My boyfriend told me first. I didn't feel it yet, so I hugged him to let him know I was freaked out or anything and said I couldn't say it back yet. He didn't seem to mind, and continued to tell me on a regular basis until I could say it back.
I don't say it back the first time they say it to me. If they want to end it because they're scared I didn't repeat it back then I let them go ahead and end it. Maybe I'm just weird or maybe I'm getting older but I've put so much less stock in this word.
11 Things To Say When You Can't Say "I Love You" Back
And I generally start saying it as soon as I start exclusively dating them. It's usually just included in my "we should go steady" talk. I mean if I care about you enough to go exclusive with someone what's the harm in saying the L word?
It's obviously how I feel anyway. It takes me longer to get there as I get older, and I am extremely careful when I do use it. No harm, I suppose, if the person understands how you use it.